*SPOILERS*
So, as you read this, keep in mind that I've never watched TNA front to back. In fact, I don't think I've ever turned on Impact knowingly before. I've always just found it by flipping through the channels. So expect me to not get any of the angles or gimmicks unless they're blatently spelled out.
So, the Main Event Mafia? Is this where TNA dumps the guys they pull from the bottom of WWE's barrel? Sting's not looking so hot these days. And Steiner's got his face covered up for some reason. Aside from that, I'm pretty sure Angle just broke kayfabe. "You can't work a worker. I'm the best worker in the business." Big Sexy isn't looking too great, himself. I think he's been skipping his Just For Men. This segment is annoying the hell out of me. TNA needs to invest in a second mic for their in-rings. Oh, there it is. Jarrett was keeping it for himself. Speaking of Double J, since when do crowds pop for him? And cheering for "TNA Management"? Is this Bizarro Pro Wrestling? Did I slip into the Twilight Zone when I turned on Impact?
Oh look, there's a third mic. Now, if Jarrett and Foley can make their entrances with their own microphones, why can't Angle, Sting, and Nash get one between the three of them?
And people wonder why TNA is third-tier in a two-tier business. Twenty minutes to announce the main event.
*Commercials*
So TNA picked up new talent from somewhere other than WWE? Never heard of No Limit, but these guys look like a great team. I've never seen any NJPW before, but I might have to check some out if the teams are all like this. This is actually a solid match so far. Sabin and Shelley have good chemistry, and cruiser/lightweight tag matches have always been a favorite of mine. High energy, hot tags, always good crowd pleasers. I actually don't have much to say negatively about this match. It could've gone a bit longer, but the finish was good.
Nevermind. Beatdown by the champs, double belt shots. Here come the Dudleys... And how many tag team titles are there in TNA? That's the third pair of belts we've seen in the last ten minutes. This is really a terrible in-ring, though. "People look at Beer Money like we're a joke." Well, maybe if you didn't have a stupid fucking name for your tag team.
"OH MY BROTHER, TESTIFY!" And with one line, Devon saves the entire segment.
*commercials*
Foley loves to wrestle. We get it. Kind of a waste of more airtime, if you ask me. Quick cut back to ringside, where I'm too busy trying to decipher the upside-down sign in the stands to pay attention to the broadcast team.
*commercials*
...What am I watching now? Mark Henry's twin sister? ODB? This is the exact opposite of WWE's women's division. Props to TNA for trying something new, but what in the hell was JJ smoking when he thought this up? Speaking of ODB, I'd hardly call anyone who gets a date with her a "winner". Not a terrible match, especially by the standards of women's wrestling. Decent card-filler, by normal standards. During the commercial break, allow me to give you my opinion on women's wrestling:
Kill it with fire.
Women's wrestling invariably falls into one of two categories, neither of which are capable of compelling a TV audience to do any more than not turn the channel. There's WWE-style women's wrestling, which consists of eye candy with no talent in the ring whatsoever, and there's TNA-style women's wrestling, which apparently means women that can actually wrestle, but are practically unrecognizable as being of the female persuasion. See: Chyna, Awesome Kong. Women's wrestling will never progress being being a card-filler, until you can find the rare female that looks good AND can wrestle. As always, I'm open to comments, so feel free to prove me wrong in the comments section.
Back from commercial, a good little interview segment, even if it is a little repetitive, driving home the point that no one likes Angle, and he's a big baby.
Next match, Daivari as the typical post-9/11 Arab character he's always been, versus Samoa Joe. Loving Joe's gimmick, pure aggression. Clocks the ref, takes Sheik Stereotype to the back in a chokehold as they go to commercial yet again.
Oh god. The Beautiful People? I'm... I'm speechless. This is quite possibly the stupidest stable I've ever seen, and they get more air-time than Bubba Ray and Devon. So, forget everything I just said about how TNA got women's wrestling right.
AJ Styles with some belt that TNA made up to give him even more push. AJ's looking like the Cena of TNA. Push no matter what. Though, the fans cheer AJ willingly, so he's got that over Cena, I suppose. Booker T comes out, does the wide-eyed thing, and then lets his woman do the talking. But it's good to see Booker's just as unintelligible behind the mic as ever was in the 'E.
*commercial*
Madison Rayne versus The Governor. If I had any idea how long this match would take, this would be the perfect time for a bathroom break. It looks like the house crowd feels the same way, I don't think anyone there actually gives a damn. Apparently they don't give the fans chairs in the Impact Zone, people are standing up for some reason. Botchamania 72 = this match.
Vignette for Six Sides of Steel, props to TNA for making the cage without a ceiling gimmick match relevant again. After that, Joe beats the crap out of Sheik Whatshisname, though the kendo stick kind of loses its panache if you start the segment threatening a guy with a machete.
I never noticed all the blading scars on Devon's forehead before this little semi-interview segment. All that time in ECW took a big toll on his looks. Not like he's a great-looking guy. Not like I'm the kind of guy that looks at other guys like that... Moving on.
Main event time. Stinger needs to come to the ring on the zipline again. He doesn't have the same intimidation factor when he just walks down the ramp.
Pretty bland main event, really. Typical Foley match. As expected, Angle and Sting turn on each other... Why did Jarrett just hit a Pedigree on Angle? Didn't see the finish coming, though. Sets up what could be a good fued between Foley and Sting, maybe Foley joining the MEM?
Sting and Foley can both rock the mic these days, even if they've lost a step in the ring.
So, overall thoughts. I don't hate TNA. I think they need to work on some more original angles and gimmicks, and get off of the "former WWE wrestlers" teat when it comes to their main eventers, but what can you do, really? Relegate guys like Angle and Sting to midcarders and push AJ and Joe back into the main event? That's just going back to the formula that forced you to pick up the guys that WWE dropped. I can't see myself looking forward to Impact every week like I used to do with Raw back in the day, but it's still better than Smackdown.
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